Kimchi.

I've tried making kimchi a few times. Recipes asking you to sweat the cabbage. Recipes telling you to jar all that guhness for 7 days straight without cracking the lid. They've never worked out nicely for me. In fact, the last time I had attempted kimchi, it grew a beard faster and more heartier than even the most metal of metalheads. I've adapted this recipe from my pal, Angela, and am really happy with the results. This batch ought to make about 6 cups and cost you around $5 to make.  Please note, this isn't fermented, as I await the hilarious foodie shitstorm telling me I just made a heap of spicy coleslaw. But I mean, they manage to call Big Macs hamburgers...so.. 

Ingredients
1 head napa cabbage - washed, with the two outer leaves removed, and sliced.
1/4 cup kosher salt

1 bunch scallions, chopped as you'd like
2 carrots, grated
1 four-inch chunk of daikon, grated

1/3 to 1/2 cup rice vinegar
3 tbsp chopped garlic
2 tbsp minced ginger
1 tbsp Lite Kikkoman soy sauce
2 tbsp white sugar or agave
2 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
1/2 cup Korean red hot pepper powder (I used this brand)

Method

Place sliced cabbage in a large bowl. Dump all the salt on top and massage into the leaves for a minute. This will help quickly remove moisture from your leaves, and your cabbage will shrink down by about 50%. Let sit for about an hour.

Set aside your other vegetables in a separate bowl.

Place everything else in a blender/Magic Bullet, it'll make a paste.

Rinse your salty cabbage mixture well, with cold water.

Mix everything together, with some gloves! Massage the paste into EVERYTHING.

Eat straight away, or wait a bit for the flavours to sink in.

Store in a ziplock bag, plastic container, or what have you.

I picked up my hot red pepper powder at Arirang Oriental Food Mart in Winnipeg, Manitoba for $6.99, tax included. It's located at 1799 Portage Avenue. EVERYONE there was so friendly and helpful. If you're in the city, I'd definitely check them out, it's worth the trip. Oh! There's a real nice bike shop next door, too.